Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
