I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
