Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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