someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
