I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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