respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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