She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize