We are two peas in an std pod
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
