Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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