I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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