life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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