Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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