OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize