I'm jealous of your bromance
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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