Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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