just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
