No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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