I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The uberlube is also flammable
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
