Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
