you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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