i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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