she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
