11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
