He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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