MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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