Apparently you make a good broom.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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