you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you had me at cake vodka
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
