who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
