xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize