So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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