I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
