It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
