Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
