dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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