If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize