im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
