Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
