Don't you send me to vm
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
so much tequila, so little girl.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
