Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize