I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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