Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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