i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
