At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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