My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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