I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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