Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
