D3 body, D1 cock
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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