I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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