1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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