Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
