i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
