You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you had me at cake vodka
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
