just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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