my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize