I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
