im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
