oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Everyone says I win the strip club
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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