if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
