Say something about gay babies.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
