If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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