I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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