shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
