so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize