Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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