My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
