saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
