i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We left the knife in your bed.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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