I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
