It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
