Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize