I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
