Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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