there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I need a beard to bite.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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