What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize