wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
