maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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