I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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