i permit you to call me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
