I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
