I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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