I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
