He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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