Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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