census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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