It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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