I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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