Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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