she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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